no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
