I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize