how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
