Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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