after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this hospital has no fireball
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
