I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
