Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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