Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
