The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
