Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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