Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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