I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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