dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
