they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
