R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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