my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
