Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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