you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
