BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
