i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize