I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need water and some morals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
