I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
