just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
