I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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