His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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