Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
