Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
