When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
