dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
