i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
