Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
