singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
