If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
