Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
