just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
