i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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