He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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