I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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