I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
