I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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