If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
