I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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