if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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