I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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