There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
