I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
