I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
