she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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