Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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