am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
