You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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