My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
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REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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