quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
