New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
