hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
