Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
