After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
