Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're using joints as your birthday candles
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
