Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
