Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
